I'm Feeling a Little Raw!

You know, I'm usually not a very emotional person. I'm from stoic German stock. We don't cry. We just suck it up and move on.  But today... today I've been raw.  It started yesterday. When I innocently went on Facebook and saw that someone had left me a message. And that someone was a dear friend, a former college roommate.  She's one of those soul-mate type people.  The kind when you just look at each other and laugh because you know what the other person is thinking. She's one of those few people who, even though you don't do a very good job keeping in touch, when you do talk it's not awkward. It's like we've just talked the day before. In her message she told me her husband had just left her. And he wasn't coming back. They'd been married over twenty years. I was in their wedding. It was a beautiful wedding on the beach.  I still remember dancing to "That's What I Like About You" by the Romantics and "Love Shack" by the B-52's at the reception. It was a fun wedding.  And last night as I lay in bed and allowed myself to hurt for her, I just cried and cried. I don't know why this affected me so much. Other friends of mine have gone through divorces. Their husbands have cheated on them, trampled on their wedding vows and left. Yet, for some reason my friend's few lines in her message cut me to the quick.  And so today I've been raw. But I don't think it's all because of her. I think it also has to do with life's pain in general- mothers with young children dying of cancer, parents losing their children.  And my own struggle with where is God in the midst of these circumstances. And my own fear of that kind of pain entering my life. It's easy to not think about it. Cover it all up with dirty diapers and laundry and floors that need to be mopped. And then something triggers it and it comes up and doesn't go away. And I look at my husband and my children and hold them tight.